BPD and me!

Hiyyah Everyone 

So I know a lot of my followers suffer with mental health problems but for those of you who don’t I wanted to try and explain!

Although it is incredibly hard to understand if you have never been through it all we want is for people to try understand, educate themselves on our illness and not be judgemental!

My borderline personality disorder is only one of my mental health problems but I don’t want to overwhelm you with all my issues!

Let me start by saying it’s sh*t, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy because guess what we don’t want this illness!

Just because you can’t see it dosen’t mean we don’t have it but what we don’t say is that like cancer it’s killing us from the inside.

We may smile and laugh and joke sometimes that dosen’t mean we are better or that we are getting better it just means at that moment we are feeling intense feelings of happiness.

But……….

Just because we are like that in that moment or for a few hours or even days all of a sudden at the flick of a switch we become extremely depressed, suicidal, we don’t want to live anymore and we believe the world would be better without us.

What we are also amazingly good at is being very good at pretending we are ok although inside we are already dead. 

The smile we put on on the outside is just a mask. Not all the time but most of the time in my experience.

Another thing is we experience emotions very differently to people who don’t have BPD. 

So when we react to a situation you might think why they reacting like that, they don’t need to react that way! But that is not true.

Because you are not feeling the intense emotions that we are feeling. So it could be something silly to you but to us it could be massive!

So all we ask is that you don’t tell us to stop overreacting or being silly because to us that it how we feel and we can’t help that.

We don’t feel emotions the same way as people without bpd our emotions are so intense so of the scale that it’s really hard for us to deal with.

We live on a rollercoaster of different extreme emotions that never ends! We feel this daily.

 So when we say we are exhausted! We mean it! So please don’t say but you haven’t done anything, or Ive been at work all day! 
We know that and we understand that you are tired too but we want you to understand just how much it takes out of us to feel the emotions so intensely!

I battle with intense thoughts of self harming or commiting suicide on a hourly basis and I look after my one year old, i try keep my house tidy-ish but not only am I trying to be a good mother I am trying to deal with everything I’ve said above and more!

So next time you are speaking to someone and you feel in your eyes they are overreacting to a situation to them they may not be. So just try think before you say anything mean to them!

I understand it’s hard for you to understand but ive tried to explain it as truly as i can from my experience! 

I dont what you to feel sorry for me because this is my life but I just want you to try understand!

I have so many mental health workers in my life right now but they are just there to try keep me safe from myself!

They don’t have a magic cure. Yes the medication they give us is important but it isn’t a cure it’s just there to help us a little bit.

Thank you for reading.

If I have missed anything or you would like to add to this then please comment.

Night

Xx

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