So I’ve just been basically verbally abused by my boyfriend’s brother but my boyfriend said it was my fault!
How is it my fault?
So everyone else is allowed to feel sh*t and act like they feel shit but not me!
I can’t because if I do I get asked and told that I’m miserable all the time, why am I so miserable? Im such a miserable person. I’m so negative, I’m so mean, I’m stupid, I’m a liar!
I am called many things and I’m used to it but I AM NOT A LIAR! I will not be called a liar and I will not have my daughter being told I am a liar and that her mummy is so miserable.
She may only be one but she isn’t stupid she picks up on everything.
And do you know what I probably am miserable because all I ever get is put down and made fun of by people who are supposed to love and care about me.
I feel like nobody understands that I have borderline personality disorder and nobody is willing to learn and accept it.
Because I put a smile on my face and try “get on with it” nobody cares but then if my mask slips I am called miserable or asked whats wrong or told that there are people much worse off than me.
Trust me I know there are people worse off than me and there are people better off than me but mental illness dosen’t discriminate.
People who don’t have mental illness say oh yes the stigma is getting better now you don’t get looked down on for having a mental illness…
yes you do! Everyone judges you people you have known years turn against you, your parents and family question you and you feel they don’t believe you.
So instead of telling people I hide it, I let it eat away at me until there is nothing left for it to eat away at.
There is nothing left of me anymore I am just an empty shell, I smile on the outside but I am dead on the inside!
I spend my days just wishing that today is my last day and it could be or it would be if I knew my baby would be looked after like I look after her every day.
If I am being totally honest if I knew milly was going to looked after and raised how I would like her to be I would have been dead yesterday.
I want milly to be happy and have a happy life. I’m not deluded I know she will have ups and downsin life but I think if she is around me she may become like me and I really don’t want that for her!
Thanks for reading