Happy New Year Everyone!

Hiyyah Everyone.

I just wanted to do a quick blog to Wish you All a HAPPY NEW YEAR! I hope it’s your best year yet.

I wish you all the happiness and good health for 2017.

Also keep up the blogging I love reading all your inspirational blogs.

Love to you all 

All the best for 2017 

Once Again Happy New Year !



Frustrated isn’t the word!

I thought I would get it all of my chest on here and start the new year fresh but we shall see how that plan go’s later.

Hiyyah Everyone 

So I am not usually a person that airs there dirty laundry in public I usually like to keep my private life private but I need to get this off my chest and this is the only place I feel safe to do so.

Unjudged and understood.

Well this has been going on for a few months now where all my partner does is sleep most of the day.

He used to get up with me when Milly got up in the morning and help me sort her out.

Then he used to get up but lie on the sofa and go back to sleep which annoyed me and what annoyed me more is he would say “well I got up” 

Then it went to me saying “are you coming downstairs to help me” his reply would be “I’m going back to sleep you can take her downstairs you don’t need me to come down for f*ck sake.

Now I just have to get up with milly and I don’t even bother to wake him up but when it gets to lunchtime like 12pm and I have needed help for the past 3 hours I start getting annoyed but I just keep it inside.

I go upstairs to wake him up and instead of saying yes I will get up and help you I get “what time is it?” “Can I have another 30 minutes?”

This is when my blood starts to boil but I still say nothing.

Then when he eventually comes down stairs and I ask him to do something it’s “I’m just going for a cig” or “I’m just doing this on my phone”.

He then comes back inside and sits back on the sofa and plays his f*cking game on his phone.

When I ask for help the phone comes first and it’s really started to get to me.

But what gets to me more is that I’m running around the house like a headless chicken all day and I ask for a bit of help or like today I asked him to vac the house bearing in mind I had gone around wiping and cleaning the rest of the house whilst looking after an 11 month old.

He then vacuumed the kitchen and the living room and he said “im nakered” I will do the rest tomorrow. (Our house isn’t that big) and he probably wont.

The fact he says to me I’m tired I’m going to have a nap. So the past few days I’ve said “do you not think I’m tired! I’ve been up looking after milly, doing the washing and tidying up since 7.30am ” the reply I always get is “well that’s your choice”.

He isn’t always a knob like this and I know I’m not an easy person to live with and I think that is why I try to keep everyone happy.

I don’t want to loose him but things need to change.

He isn’t controlling he just can guilt trip quite well.

I am hoping that once I start seeing a psychiatrist  once a week at the end of this month I will be more of a stronger person and not be walked all over or ignorned by everyone.

I need to get help with dealing with my borderline personality disorder but I also need help with many other things.

I am open to any advice from anyone out there.

I just want our relationship to work but I want it to be more equal not everything put on my shoulders.

I’m glad I have got this off my chest. I want to leave this on 2016 and move forward for 2017.

Thanks for reading 

Have a Good New Years Eve!


Boxing day blog


Hiyyah everyone 

Merry Christmas to you all for yesterday!

As most of you know who read my blog it was my baby girl’s first Christmas and I’m not joking she 100% knew it was christmas.

I’m not kidding she woke up at 3,4&5am so at 5am we decided to bring her into our room to try get her back to sleep.

Do you think that she went back to sleep? 

NO! NO she did not. I don’t usually believe in spirits but I’m sure my grandad took over her because he used to wake everyone up at 5am asking if he has been  (he being santa)

Nobody believes us but I swear she woke up so excited it was unreal. I wish we had recorded it.

So we took her downstairs as there was no way she was going back to sleep and when she saw the presents her face lit up.

I mean I’m not saying she knew what was going on or what day it is but it definitely seemed like she did.

I mean we didn’t get her loads of presents but by everyone else she was spoilt rotten.

At first I felt really guilty that we couldn’t afford to get her many presents but every present we got her she loved.

We let her open 2 presents from us before my mum and dad came around at 8.30am because not only was she desperate her daddy was also desperate lol.

Then after that we all got ready to go to my parents house for Christmas dinner and my partner was going to go get his mum and brother (not the brother who lives with us) but just as we was about to leave in typical baby style milly sh#t herself and it literally went all over her outfit.

Above Outfit before poo gate x

So then we had to change milly into a whole new outfit and then we could set off.

So 30 minutes late but we made it .(parents of babies/ youn children you will understand)

When we arrived I hit the alcohol because this year was hard but I didn’t get paralytic I just drunk until i felt happy/relaxed.

But I also didn’t want to drink too much because it was my milly’s 1st christmas and obviously I didn’t want to miss it.

Anyway moving on from that we had the traditional opening presents and  family Christmas dinner  but instead of the usual normal board games we took it to the next level….

We had nurf gun wars!!

 It was brilliant!! The nurf gun war with my dad was not filmed but it went on for like 30mins minimum.

By 6.30pm most of the family had gone home and Milly was absolutely shattered!

(Above Milly with my mum her grandma )

We then went home but because Milly had been up from 5am and not really had a nap it took me from 8.30pm to nearly 12am to get her settled because she was over tired!

Boxing day 2016

This morning she woke up at 8.30am but she was still tired and I knew it so I changed her gave her a bottle and some porridge and then we just laid on the sofa and we must have both been really tired because we slept on the sofa until around 12pm.

Then we played for a little while and then we had bacon sandwiches for lunch.

Then at 3 milly went for another nap.

My parents dopped in to drop the presents off that we couldn’t fit in the car and my awsome dad put Milly’s curtains back up as the whole thing fell down like two weeks ago.

Then milly had tea, a bath and a story before bed

 But I have to show you this photo I took of her just after her bath.

I love this 😍😍😍😍 its like she is saying tadaah xx

Anyway once we put milly to bed we cracked open one off our Christmas presents a bottle of prosecco.

I had most of it and we did use glasses the photo’s was just a joke for Facebook.

Did you all have a good christmas and boxing day?

Merry Christmas!
Happy boxing day!

Thanks for reading 

Good night xx

I can’t Β believe it’s Christmas eve!

And I have never felt less christmasy in my life!

Hiyyah Everyone.

Are you all ready for the big day tomorrow?

I am but I am also dreading tomorrow because I am going to have to be “fake happy” and try not to burst into tears.

I mean I am looking forward to it being Milly’s first Christmas but I am also gutted than my grandad isn’t going to see it.

This past week it has really hit me hard that my grandad is no longer here 😒 and it’s going to be worse tomorrow because my grandma dosen’t want to spend Christmas day with us.

This will be the first year since we was young that we have spent christmas without my grandma and grandad.

I mean milly has no clue what is going on this year but I know my grandad would be so pissed off if we didn’t make every christmas special for milly.

It was his favourite time of year! He loved christmas and he loved being with the family.

I mean my mood is all over the place anyway with having borderline personality disorder add grieving to it and well…. you get me.

We are spending christmas at my mum and dad’s and my partners mum and brothers are coming to spend Christmas with us so it will be a family christmas.

What are you all doing tomorrow?

Me and my family would like to wish you all a very merry Christmas and a fabulous new year xx

Thanks for reading.

Enjoy your Christmas eve 


Santa is a parents best friend in December! Where the f*ck is he the rest of the year?

Hiyyah Everyone!

I saw this on facebook and I thought it was funny and that I would share it with you all.

I found this really funny because although milly is only 11 months old and has not got a clue who santa is I’ve still threatened to phone him.

I don’t think it matters how young they are as a parent in December you always use Santa’s name to try get them to behave. πŸ˜‚

I have used santa quite a lot this week actually because Milly has been dreadful I don’t know what is going on with her but she has been tantruming, not wanting food, crying for everyone and clinging to me.

I never thought I would say that but this past week she has become a proper mummy’s girl which is nice but it’s also a bit much.

She used to cry when I walked into the room she was in or if I went anywhere near her, now she crys if I’m 2 steps away from her.

I don’t know if I didn’t prefer it more when she didn’t like me… no it’s taken a ling time for us to get this bond but it just gets a bit much especially now she can crawl!

Because what she does is she crawls over to my leg and either pulls on my clothes or legs and screams until I pick her up.

Has anyone else been through this with your 11 month old? 

I don’t like to tell her off because it has taken so long to get the bond we have I don’t want to brake it but when she crys to go to family members that’s different.

Yesterday my partner took his driving test so I stayed with my grandma and usually Milly loves seeing her Nana and having cuddles with her nana but yesterday if I left the room or even if I just passed her to my grandma she would cry and that upset my grandma as it would anybody.

It used to make me feel like it’s not even worth living but she isn’t as bad with everyone as she used to be for me.

Is this normal for an  11 month old?

She maybe tiny but my god she has some good lungs on her.

Is there anything we can do to get her to be more independent again or will it just come in time? 

Also my partner passed his driving test yesterday so that means I don’t have to go everywhere with him because I can drive so because he was a learner I had to go everywhere.

This has also triggerd my anxiety a bit though and I’m not sure why. 

It may be because I will be alone with milly a lot more and I am not sure I am ready for that yet.

Anyway back to santa who has threatened to call Santa on there kids this week? 

I’m sure I will post before Christmas but If not I hope you all have a fabulous Christmas and an amazing new year! Because you all deserve it.

Thanks for reading 

Good night 


Mentally drained and physically exhausted.

Hiyyah Everyone

So from the moment I woke up this morning I have felt absolutely sh*t not just mentally but physically too!

I am full of cold, my throat is sore and I am constantly dizzy but thats not all my brain is pounding and my thoughts are scary.

I think my mood has taken a turn for the worse but yesterday I was like a different person until in the evening time.

I went from feeling really good and happy during the day to feeling frustrated and angry from about 5pm and I just had no patients at all.

Luckily Milly slept through last night well she woke up once for a bottle but that was the early hours of this morning.

My head is so f*cked up I think it may be because Sunday we have our first Christmas dinner on Sunday at the Masonic lodge.

This is the first mason’s christmas dinner that we will have ever had without my grandad and I honestly don’t know how I am going to cope.

So I have decided that I am going to drink not too much because we have milly but on the sunday night she is staying at my mum and dads and we are going to meet some of my partners fellow football coaches for some drinks.

I just don’t know how to feel because my mood is all over the place at the minute one minute im super happy and super excited the next I just want to die and that is no exaggeration.

The only thing that is stopping me at the moment is this:

This made no difference to me about 2 months ago but now it has some impact because we now have a special bond but it’s still mot perfect and it is still something we are working on.

I can honestly say that my baby girl is the only thing that can get me out off bed on a day like this.

I mean don’t let that innocent face fool you tho because she is a devil really.
I’m not entirely sure this post makes complete sence and I apologise for that.

But the state my head is in I’m surprised I coukd put a sentence together.

Thanks for reading.

Have a good evening.


We have a Dilemma!

Hiyyah Everyone 

So we have a Dilemma a good Dilemma but still a Dilemma.

So if you read my blog you will know that last night we started  doing sleep training with our baby girl ..

and if you don’t read my blog you now know that we are doing sleep training with our baby girl πŸ˜‚ 

The thing is so far Milly has slept through from going to bed at 8.30pm but there is still time for her to wake up yet. 

But if she doesn’t wake up until the morning  we are unsure if tomorrow night we need to do day 2 of sleep training or go straight to day 3.

Then we are worried if we go straight to day 3 she way become distressed because it may be too long for her to be left.

We was wondering if any of you have ever done sleep training with your babies before.

And if so 

What did you do if they slept through one night or you missed a night?

Did you skip the day and go onto the next day or did you just do the day that they slept through on the next night?

I mean I know I can just search it on the Internet but I would like to hear actual parents opinions.

As me and my partner are both new parents we do really appreciate any help and opinions you can give us.

Thank you so much for reading